Joel Klecker's Opening Speech
I've never written anything like this before, so if it seems rambling and incoherent, bite me. :P
A chronic problem in Debian has been our overly long release cycle, if elected, this shall be my major focus. To start with, I shall appoint a group responsible for release engineering as I feel that one person cannot adequately deal with the sheer mass of release critical bugs as well as the archive maintenance tasks and the sheer thanklessness of the job.
Another related issue is the number of absentee developers and the difficulty in forcibly orphaning their packages. It is my intent to appoint a group whose mission shall be to search out and remove inactive developers (with very strict guidelines of course).
One other problem I want to address is the amount of useless packages in Debian, our goal should not be to package every piece of free software in the world no matter how useless. I'm not sure of the best way to approach this problem or how to solve it, but it will be something I'll investigate.
I also want to get some sort of proficiency test into the new-maintainer process, but I'm unsure of the logistics of this.
In conclusion, I promise to rock the cabal to its very foundation and to rid Debian of the unworthy. :-)
To those of you still with me, please set down your crack pipes.
Fine, want more? OK then... I promise to acquire mucho more elite hardware to start cool flamewars with and to alienate as many current donor admins as possible in the process.
I promise black helicopters and world-killing weapons for everyone.
The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!
Remember that I maintain glibc, so vote for me or else!
[ the preceding may or may not be serious ]